Torn.

Hardest thing I think I have ever had to do.  I had to tell my son that I would not pick him up when he was released from jail. As a mother, I am dying right now. As a mother, I know (I pray and hope too) that I did the right thing. He HAS to hit bottom to come back. He flat out told me in our phone conversation yesterday that all he wanted to do when he got out was do a big ball (sorry, I can't think of the word he used and I can only think of ball at the moment) of heroin. That was all he could think about.  I knew that if I went down to pick him up that it would only enable his addiction. That I would be helping him get his next high. I cannot be a party to that.  As much as I want to believe that I can help him, I cannot. I cannot fix this. HE has to fix this.

THIS is killing me.

THIS is heroin.