Nightmare

Christmas has now passed with the New Year right around the corner and still nothing from my son.  I have dreams. Nightmares to  be more specific. I wake up in an absolute state of panic believing that what I was dreaming about was real. Except for last night. Last night I had a dream that I had to dress up as a green fairy/leprechaun....green face and all. All to lure my son away from drugs.  Weird, I know. But this was my dream. I had to show him that he could still have a life. A life without drugs. And he would be ok. In my dream, it wasn't easy....I had to reach out to him, pull him in, convince him he would be safe. I needed to grab his hand, if I could just take hold of his hand I would be able to pull him back. Back from the the hold heroin has on him. It was like I was on inside of the doorway and he outside in the black of night. I had to convince him to get him close enough so that I could grab his hand and pull him in. Finally, after what seemed like forever, he relented and took my hand. I pulled him into the room and shut the door. Upon locking the door, the door disappeared. Disappeared so that he couldn't leave.

The worst part of my dream? That's all that it was. A dream. A nightmare. A nightmare that I live everyday knowing that my son is out there consumed by heroin.