Panic

I had lunch with my son on Saturday - he was granted a four hour pass without me having to attend the family counseling session as I was not going to be able to make it down there in time due to a prior commitment.  It was one of the absolute BEST days ever...one of those days to just hang out and talk about nothing and everything. We had a horribly unhealthy lunch and then went walking around the mall. Neither one of us are shoppers. But this was awesome as we were on the hunt for some jeans as he was going to be transitioning to sober living as early as Monday; Tuesday at the latest and going to be looking for a job.

As he is going to need an advance on rent for the sober living facility, we came to an agreement that would ultimately allow him to not be indebted to us for the first month's rent. Don't get me wrong, we are not giving him the money but in effect buying all of his stuff that he has in our back shed that he has no longer a need for. We will donate to a good cause... a win win. The stuff is one of those bad triggers he is needing to stay away from.  The money will help him on his journey of returning to independence and sobriety.

I dropped my son off with the best hug ever. I told my son that I had missed HIM and was glad to have him back. He told me he had missed me too and that he loved me before I got in my car and drove home. It has now been 5 days since I have heard from my son. Serious panic has been setting in since Tuesday as he said he would call me to let me know when he would me be moved over to the sober living house. I am the worst when I 'don't know'. Right now I don't know. I don't know where he is. I am thinking the worst. The absolute worst. Did he get transitioned to sober living? Did he walk out? Did he get an extension? I am trying to keep my faith, let my faith be bigger than my fear. Not easy. My husband and friends ask me if I have heard anything and the answer is no. No. Nothing.

As I am writing this I am praying to God to give me strength.