Phone Call

You called me today. Let me know you were okay and still at the rehab facility.  For the moment I am relieved, grateful, over joyed, skeptical, scared. All of my emotion have gone ‘wonky’ if you will.  I want to believe you, I want to believe you are maintaining sobriety.  I am torn by both believing and not believing as you have so many times broken my trust.  Trust broken by taking money out of my bank account (those who have an addiction in the family should immediately change all of your passwords on all of your accounts), stolen and pawned my jewelry, my mother’s jewelry, my grandmother’s trinkets (that mean nothing to anyone but me). Fortunately I was able to buy all of them back from the pawn shop.  Great business there…buying stolen items and then selling them back to the owner. Tears of joy for getting my ‘things’ back as that is really all that they are, but tears of sadness knowing this is what it has come to.

A mother always wants to help her children, but there comes a time when we have to let you make mistakes, struggle, strive, learn, all on your own.  I have thought my heart would break into pieces, and at times I am pretty sure it has because the pain has been physical. I love you more than words. I hope one day you will realize this.