Stepping Up

After a long week of wondering, all (subjective) is moving once again toward the positive.  Yes, he did have a minor slip...minor in the fact that he didn't get kicked out. Minor in the fact that he still wants to keep moving forward with being clean.  Minor in the fact that he didn't end up on the streets using again. To me, this is a MAJOR step in the right direction.

The biggest 'yay' for the moment is that he wants to take responsibility for past errors.  Errors that include a warrant for his arrest.  He chose to go to court to appear before the judge to face the charges; full well knowing he could be arrested and taken into custody.  He found out that he would have to schedule an appointment to be put on the calendar to see the judge.  The appointment is set for next week.

As I am the one who initially filed the police report against my son, I will also be the one to stand up and speak on his behalf.

When I filed the police report I was what I thought at the time my wits' end.  I thought it was the only way I was going to force my son to be clean as he refused to go to rehab at the time. Jail (to me) was the only way I could ensure his safety, keep him from using, keep him off the streets, keep him alive.  I still had a lot to learn at this time...I am still learning.

We had a great conversation in the car to and from court yesterday.  He told me how no matter how much he likes being clean that the pull of the drugs can be stronger.  How everything from having money, or even the thought of eventually having a job again and earning money to thinking of shooting up, watching the needle go in his arm are all triggers.  Triggers that make him want to use. I want him to fight. Fight hard. Fight harder.  Fight against those triggers.

His friend from high school who was also at the facility has now gotten a job and living in a sober-living house.  I pray for him too, I pray that they will continue to push each other in the right direction....the direction that crushes this addiction.

I know he has it in him to succeed in this battle.