News

It's been a while; I guess that's what planning a wedding can do...

My son never showed for his preliminary trial; he now has a bench warrant. He alone will have to take care of this. He also has a failure to appear on a traffic ticket that he got last year.

Back to the recruiter...the person who gets paid a commission for making arrangements for addicts with great health insurance to get into a (what I call a 5-star resort) rehab facility. Well, as I said I had had bad feelings about that person and I was right...he split his commission with my son. Gee! Where the heck do you think that is going to get him? Using again. And that is exactly what happened when he didn't show up for court because he was kicked out of the facility he was in.  I know, his choice. Yes, his choice.

When I did have a conversation with my son when he showed up for court previously, I had told him that I was getting married and wanted him to be there for the wedding. Not sure exactly how this is going to happen or if it is going to happen. It is less than two months away and at this point, I think my son only has a little more than a week of being clean. Never more than 60 days.

He finally called me today from 'group'.  I could tell right away that something was up as he sounded very somber.  When an addict enters a facility, the first thing they do is give them a blood test to see what, if anything, they have contracted. I guess I was deluding myself thinking that he was immune to the other side of drugs use. The sharing of needles. He was/is not. Thank God what he tested positive for is not life threading in and is treatable. It is highly contagious, but very treatable and provided he can stay clean, it can go away.

After the sharing of that news, he once again told me he was sick of rehab, sick of the crap. I told him to stop using and he wouldn't have to go back to rehab. He gets my sarcastic humor because he knows I am right. He said he is trying.

Back about a month or so ago, all of my son's possessions were mailed to me. All of his possessions fit into 5 very small boxes. As my son knew this, he had asked me to bring a pair of his Vans and some other things to him when I met him at court. As I was initially going thru the boxes, looking only for these specific objects, I came across a notebook. I don't usually snoop, but I wanted to know what he had written in it.  I can't unread what I read. Some good for my soul, knowing he was remorseful for hurting me. But there were other very dark entries of his drug use. Reading what I read, I am thankful he is alive and thankful that he didn't kill himself or someone else when he was behind the wheel driving while high, so high in fact that he had nodded out.

He is remorseful when clean. He is hateful when he uses. He is loving when he is clean. He is destructive when he uses.

I want him clean.