Visiting Day

Wow. Just wow.  That was how I felt today when I got to spend time and hang out with him.  My husband and I went down this morning to first spend two hours in a group meeting which was so refreshing and informative and above all was to make sure everyone (clients and families) were on the same page with everything from setting boundaries (which could include a contract to pee testing) to therapy to the big one...Saying 'no'. No to the 'active addict' and recognizing behavior of an active addict.  We shared worries, concerns, anxieties, feelings, positives and negatives.

When I shared with the group how I had learned that I didn't CAUSE, I can't CONTROL, and I can't CURE my son's addiction and that saying NO to him, was one of the hardest things as a mother I had ever had to do and no matter how much I loved him, I was not going to 'love him to death'.  After sharing, my son also shared with the group that if it weren't for me telling him 'no', he would probably still be out on the streets. That me telling him 'no' was one of the best things I had done for him. Wow.  Huge!

After the meeting dispersed, my son and I went to lunch, walked around, hung out and talked. We talked a lot about '12 steps', his next step after rehab, getting a job, and making amends. He didn't come out and tell me outright he was sorry, but that he is working on it and knows he has a lot to amend for. We talked about forgiveness, resentment and working thru.  We all have a lot to work thru.

I can't tell you how much I truly enjoyed just hanging out with my son.  MY SON. He has a long road ahead of him and each day will bring challenges.  And each day he gets thru clean and sober is another day stronger.

I will continue to pray for strength.

When I dropped him off after our time together and we said our goodbye's, he wasn't allowed to immediately return to his room or even 'pass go' if you will until the house manager checked thru all of what he had brought back from our shopping but also took a pee test. OMG, I thought this was just awesome!!  At all of the other facilities he had been in, they just let him walk back in without checking anything. No pee test. Nothing.  Yay!!  They care!!

This is also the first (and hopefully will be the last) facility that my son has not had one bad or negative thing to say about the conditions, the staff, the food or anything. Even in talking to him, knowing the direction a conversation was taking, he chose to cut short his animosity. He didn't blame, he didn't accuse; he just chose to 'check' himself; stop BEFORE the ugly. And I will tell you, I waited for the ugly to come. I expected the ugly.

I thank God every day for the good, I also thank him for the bad. He knows what our future holds. He knows His has a plan for us. We don't know what it is, but that is our journey. We each have our own.

It is said that an addict won't maintain sobriety until they are ready. They can't be pushed or coerced into it. Only when they are ready will sobriety happen.

I pray this is when....when forever.