:(

All of the cards have not yet been dealt. I know this. I have to remember this.

You know that 'mom' thing? The one that something is 'off'? Something's just not right? Friends tell you that just because he doesn't respond to a text or call you back, that that is just growing up. Yeah. No. I  know better. I know that if my son is using he won't respond to my texts.  It's not just the 'oh its mom, I will get back to her on my time' response...its something else.  I can't put my finger on it...maybe its my spidy-sense...maybe its a deep down knowledge of how well I know my son.

Today I refused to bury my head in the sand. I refused to look the other way. I flat out asked my son. I could tell by the look in his eye that he had been using. He didn't deny it. He admitted to using...he said the other day. I emptied out his backpack and destroyed all of the needles and rubber bands. He apologized. S

I almost let myself feel defeated. I chose not to. God has decided that he must go thru this journey. I must go thru this journey. Why? I don't know, but that is the plan. God's plan.

I dont' know where my son will end up tomorrow. Whether or not he will be able to get himself into rehab or detox or???

I love my son. I want nothing but the best for him. I want him to be clean. Forever. For life.

This is heroin.